Truth

You can buy and you can sell
You need no money but hypocrisy
Love is just a need
Like the blind man's stick
It breaks and then has to be replaced.
Emotions are more of an excuse
Never noticed when expressed
And affects only when it hurts.
We seek more hatred and sorrow
'Coz we appreciate it more
If you are happy, no one cares.
Condolences are always meant
'Coz people fear god and death
Birthday wishes are seldom so
'Coz you are still here for your last one.
Some days are important for you
But no one bothers as its yours
Everyone does when its theirs.
There is no choice, there is no escape
You are stuck in lies and seek truth
And so you go out and do good
And you do it to create a smile in the air
And more than god you fear loneliness
You seek relationships but as a need
And then you are back to square one
What you get is what you do, its true.

Scared

There is a silent scream inside me
Asking me to return to the smiles
The haunting past talks to me
And makes the present a disguise
They are at war snatching my peace
Which one is better, I know not
But for sure the past beckons
A gust of memories pass by
Its too much to do for not much
I am happy but I am not content
For logic doesn't go by emotions
I wish I was a rock and felt nothing
I wish I was drugged til I died
I wish I knew and owed nobody
I want to break free, breathe fresh
And end all that I think is unjust.
How long shall I carry the load?
And how long shall I be silent
'Coz the scream is louder everyday.

Who is you?

Being you, you ain't yourself

Your mind, your master is not yours

Its corrupt and sold yesterday for pennies

Its of the society and the mysterious economy

Its of the angelic devil and of the unwilling will

And its alone, its adamant and its arrogant.

But its not you, neither is it yours

You are a slave to someone else

You are the love and hatred of others

You are scavenging the leftover drugs

And you are desperate for illusion

But its not you, as you command it not.

You listen to the shortcuts to smiles

Is the sound of sorrow so deafening?

You follow them without they following you

Does novelty come without effort?

You have no character but words big

Is your spirit already dead?

Open your heart, not just your eyes

Learn accepting as much as denial 

Experience pride with honesty

Be loved and let that be yours

Being you, you ain't yourself

Or may be you are, but a mystifying puzzle.

Falling To Rise

And then you fall and then you rise
This fight is not for all but the wise
There is anxiety and there is grief
There is work to do in time brief
There are tiny but trillion thoughts
And inside you, your mind rots
There is failure but there is hope
And you can do without dope
There is loneliness but there is love
One day you'd see the white dove
Tough times many will come on your way
But "all for good" in the end you'll say
You would have many, not one choice
But always hear your own inner voice
I am not far but inside you somewhere
For one reason that you are here.
And then you fall and then you rise
And then you learn of this life's disguise.

Random existence!

On the other side of the morning

Searching for a truth nobody told me

Melancholic memories, emotions estranged

Anxiety, worry, anger, boredom and love

Healing my day, mundane and monotonous

The thorns don’t prick me anymore

Neither do the roses smile at me

I hate to wake up the sun, and the moon too

Celestial pleasure is not what I seek

Neither a jet plane nor a bicycle

Just a bit of rocket science may be

God exists, but only in reincarnated mind and hearts

How the conflagration camouflages the carnage

In this hour’s tiny life blends tomorrow’s uncertainty

And astrology is just an astronomical philosophy.

By my side

In this demented dilemma of human mind

Millions are at stake, billions lost often

Thoughts never play like music anymore

But the heart plays a cover to the future

Success and Love we all seek, why not us?

We are caged souls soon to entertain the crowd
And though we get pennies in return,
We go on to pursue the end, the end of woes
And one day when we have nothing to lose
There would be something we'd eagerly want
Today's future would soon be our present
And till the end, let our hands be free
For someone to hold them and walk along.

And we would seek smiles on their faces

More than what we would want on ours.

CTRL + X and CTRL + V!

However absurd or wannabe the title may sound, there is a philosophy underlying it and something which I fail to do. This I guess is the very basis of decluttering and not following it makes me wrapped up in all sorts of nonsense. This realization comes from a recent observation of duplicate data in various drives of my computer. I have this bad habit of "CTRL C" and then "CTRL V" and I end up being disorganized even more - more data, repeated data, more chaos, more confusion. And another bad habit of mine is to explore even the stupidest thing on earth and try to know the how and why of it. This to-be-ignored stuff made me introspect and soon enough I found that it is not just inside my computer. Sigh! not again!

But yes, I realized how disorganized I am.. reminds me of the line "One of these days I gotta get myself organizized" from the classic Taxi Driver. And when I think more of it and do a quick root cause analysis on this abstract topic, I find it affecting a good deal of my life at all severity levels. A small noise that tends to disturb the normal flow of life finds no way to escape and is choked amongst the disorganized surrounding and another wavelet is too confused to select one of the hundred frequencies around to align in phase. I am spending most of my time thinking what to do but the end result is zero or not per my satisfaction.. When life tests you beyond your regular capabilities, you get all this on your face! The tough times are thereby helpful. I was doing this "copy - paste" always and never realized the need of "cut-paste" until I was running short of space on my hard disk. Sadly, as the modern adage says, there is no "CTRL Z" in reality.Also, I need to learn another command - DEL.

PoA: I need a PoA! :|

Past few days with her!

You know how you feel when you are in a dysfunctional but intense relationship which outsiders would most often call insane? I am and I know how it feels and I fail and I succeed every day. Its like a market, a trade of many other inconspicuous stupid but important things where I have to give to get something. She has been cruel and this relationship with her is may  be the only thing that gives me the thrill, the excitement and the motivation to  move ahead and tells me that there is something there next door. She brings me better things but tells me not to embrace them 'coz I would either lose them or regret later. In this process she tells me that I have a value and that value is not just restricted to my eyes but often reflected in others'. She gives me confidence when I am frustrated. She brings out the hidden darkness in bright light. She shows me the substance, equips me with the resources but also makes my way difficult. She doesn't show me a direction but gives me hope. This moment she hugs me, the next she kicks my ass, and then she would rape me mentally. She is weird but she is just unique to me, my special one which I take pride in. She has taught me to be brave and that there is a long way to go. She has injected doses of perseverance in me and regularly experimented on me like a guinea pig. She has made every effort and she has not done this for free. I confront her regularly in the middle of the market, arguing with her in front of a crowd just to evade my duty of paying her back. I know I am wrong but today I am poor. I have neither money nor the substance which she has. I am in need and I am at the receiving end. Its a cure to the anger, the desperation, the anxiety, the loneliness and this is all I have.

This relationship with my life is not working out right now and I am learning to pay her back; sometimes I am honest but I am mostly backstabbing her. My relationship with her is indeed intense, I scream at her, I spent silent nights with her, I punch her right on her face too but deep inside I love her very much and yeah I am just stunned at times! Wait! Did I mention how good she is on bed? Now I know true orgasm!

An early morning conversation!

Once upon a time, the different voices in the crowd, the tone of each one of them, the touching voice of your closest and even random screaming and squalling, everything that my ears could perceive reverberated through me, defining myself. And today, there is so much of silence; all that I can hear is Knopfler and Floyd, the gtalk pings, the phone rings and some musings of my own thoughts, the remnants of the noise in the past, and strangely  nothing is indefinite. I performed the best in randomness but that past is gone long back. Nowadays, I try to get organized, to reduce the noise in my daily life and let my wave travel smoothly. I can't believe that I have "to-do" lists! This is more because I have a  lots to do and I don't see anybody around me to while away time, most of the times I think its not worth it. There are a lot of additions in that list apart from the regular material efforts to finally gain monetary benefits. For instance, spending time with Coleridge, Keats and Neruda, doing some clicking job with my Nikon P80, sketch random stuff on MS-Paint, talking to Twitter, Facebook and Blogger, drink more coffee, read the BBC and NY Times, learn more about the far and not my immediate vicinity and a very unlikely in the list feeding my love, the only thing I want to carry with me on the road ahead. Heh! Full of platitudes is this world and yet everyday is born a new thought to ponder upon. The beauty here is that of Science. I wish I could go back to my fascination of parallel universe and string theory. We all think so, don't we? I thought I read it somewhere but then found it was me, the truth pouring out or may be a dream - "you are on your own and no one gives a damn about it, you have to be choosy with the luggage you carry - its a long way ahead, better walk with the fundamentals, leave your TV and refrigerator behind"

I respect every opinion and I hate the predominantly biased ones; but if I do so, ain't I biased? 

Job well done blogger bro! Thanks for the company!

Mutton Gurda Fry

You said you can't love me. For five hundred and forty five days I have loved you and embraced every smile of yours. I am glad that all this while I could see you everyday and talk to you. I express my gratitude in these poor emotions. 

With you I fought battles and conquered myself but I could never defeat you. Because I  never wished to. A defeat means sorrow, a slave to someone else and of course without your consent. You were meant to rule  and I could have never disrespected you, Your Highness. Had you forgotten your smile, I would have died and it would have been a tragic end. My kinsmen would have remembered me and glorified my emotions, left in desuetude. Forgive them, they are innocent. You wish I stay with you till eternity and my friend I can promise nothing less. You know why? I am not done yet. Not yet. A year back it was a kid growing, as notorious as it could be and then it learnt happiness but it could never learn sorrow. There was a point where it knew suicide too but it could never learn to murder because it could not become selfish. And today, he is a big guy, expert of its own business and it fears no one. When there is no fear, there is no death. But someday, the inevitable would happen and it would die, in honour. That day, there would not be any word spoken and the silence shall serenade to every night that I see.

They say, time heals all wounds and this love is still too young and courageous to afford a wound. Time, a joke of all times. By the way, I love mutton gurda fry!

Desuetude!

State of rage and state of fear
All have I seen in this month of may
Rhapsodized and then reconciled
And now today I am stranded in this game
Like the tombstone waiting for its name.


A poor boy once in a bad old time
He was disparaged and then he was in love
And then he heard the dulcet dirge
He has seen me when the thoughts went low
But most of it he wont mention right now.


The warm mellifluous melancholy
And the chilled northern winds
They come together, brewed by the blue sky
Penning the finest poetry yet very austere
Recollecting the past, predicting the future.

A few words

People say life moves on and its true. Even if we try to run away from life, we cannot. Every damn thing around us keeps us pushing. Sometimes we want to end everything and again we fail. What is life? Life is something which just moves on, not bothering if you want to live or not.. It is we who have to decide that. There is no point being sad. We can't escape from it. Better keep up the battle to conquer happiness and make it yours. There are good times and bad. Its true that we feel the negative energy more than the positive one. There is no specific talent required to make use of this negative energy around us and give ourselves an impetus to rise up and start walking again! The past would always restrain you from moving ahead, its a part of your life and the present always owes to the past. You have a choice here, to live with the present defined by your past or create a new one which would define your future. 

There are a few golden rules: 

1. Think positive

2. Do not worry too much

3. This too shall pass (my best friend keeps saying this)

Life moves on anyways, you can't stop it. The ones who commit suicide are very courageous souls, everyone is not so brave. Accept it. Life is no fun without challenges. A simple life might just be very boring and you would miss out on a lot of things that would have made it even better. Take risks! Learn by yourself! Stick to your principles! Preach peace! Love! Smile!

This is a pretty banal stuff I wrote above. Everyone knows it, speaks about it. I am just another addition!

Untitled

Like me, a part of life it was for you

Till you boarded the last train to the west

The twilight gifted a heart unhealed

The moon rued and the starts silenced.

I solicited some answers from them

And the night had never been so long.

The game was unfair and I lost it.

Rules were broken, the result influenced

I was holding a candle in the cold shade

The thunders did calm my wails

But no rain did I see to wipe my tears

Neither did I see you, ever again.

I reaped my crops everyday, fed the cattle

The scarecrows targeted my lost self

My hopes, my emotions were worried

Unprepared to leave me alone, like love.

My friends, my kinfolk never deserted me

And I found no reason to do the same.

Later one day I packed my bags, and

Departed to the east, back to myself

I traveled through the green fields

I swam across the widest rivers

I crossed the deserts and the mounts

And I felt no pain, no more dejected

Days were crawling, blessed by almighty

A dreamer no more was I, just a human.

We move on, year by year close to death

I just know the time given to me today

I earn my living from dawn to dusk

For me to celebrate with the stars later.

While I never stopped, you walked with me

You gave me your hand, lifting up my spirits

I did not need you still I felt your need.

My comrade, my ally, together we fought

I learnt your skills and you followed mine

And we both were conquering everyday

Preserving and protecting our dreams.

Like two souls in a single body

Like two storks quarreling for dinner

Like two leaves of the same twig.

And in the east did the sun rise again.

And I could see you, for me always.