A very close friend of mine told me about this concept and I found it too interesting to avoid - though some part of it is going to be tough to write, especially the secrets - mainly because I have very few and then for the obvious reason. :P

Anyway, I love introspection.

So here I go: 10 secrets 

1. I love strawberries- Be it strawberry milk shake, ice creams, candies or just raw. It was a childhood flavor which I rediscovered when I visited Mahabaleshwar. When it comes to flavors, I like chocolates the most nowadays but strawberry is a close second. :)

2. I am scared of life - Now life as a whole is too big and abstract to talk about but yeah its scary. I keep telling everyone how to handle it and advising about many things to make our lives better. I invent rules and try to follow them but somehow in certain spheres of life  I fail. What makes me happy is I see visible results when it comes to others. I think I take it too hard on myself and the failure induces the fear in me.  Its a growing learning curve.

3. I hate Mathematics - I have scored the most in this subject in my high school and the least during my engineering. Though I have intense belief in its potential, keep talking about it, see documentaries on it, read about it and also try to visualize it. I have had a steep fall in my interest in mathematics since my school days. I am fairly good at it but that doesn't change anything.

4. I can't remember the words of a song :| - I love songs not for their music or singer. The lyrics always appeal to me and yet I cannot remember it when I try to sing or recollect a song. I suck at it and feel embarrassed at times too. 

5. Emotionally, I am very sensitive - Only a few know this. To others I come across as somebody totally different and feel like Maximum Decimus Meridius :P. Though the effects are visible only within my own comfort zone and I am vulnerable to only those who have access to it. 

6. Being a bong, I don't like Fish or rice - Yes! I haven't found a single guy who has not been ":O" when he comes to know of it. You can probably imagine how difficult it is for me to survive in the Bongland. Apart from these, I guess I show all traits of being a bong - foodie, smoker with some taste in art, poetry etc. 

7. I still wish to win the Noble Prize - LOL! This childhood fantasy still remains and refuses to accept the reality. I belong to a town which has produced 2 noble laureates and that has played a good role in fueling this fantasy. I am a Mechanical Engineer and nowhere close to the path which can fetch me "Noble Prize". I have had many dreams about it too. LOL! Only if Kungfu Panda kind of stuff happened in real life. Sigh! :P

8. I don't know a shit about cooking - I haven't ever failed when I have cooked and I have done it well (I hope the feedbacks were honest). I just have it intrinsic in me and this is not it. I also experiment with new stuff and it comes out well. Probably I need to venture into it more to kiss failure. 

9. I love shopping - And thats why I want to earn a lot. I always clutter myself with more than I need - it brings chaos and confusion. Nevertheless, shopping brings me immense pleasure. I guess its related to my natural trait of finding happiness in anything new. This is something I like the most after food and alcohol. I don't mind if its a feminine trait or whatever. 

10. I am freaking scared of dogs - They are scary and they can smell fear it seems. WTF! I have funny examples of running away from dogs and asking company to drop me home when its dark. 

These are the quick ten I could think of. This wasn't at all that difficult. Now I am sure I have more of such secrets. I guess some of them would not sound like secrets but  don't want to work out more on this. I would surely update this blog as I explore more.

The Lonely Palm Tree

Alone on the top, it stands bold, yet to be bald
Confronting the winds which could only be heard
formidable to her whipping and thrashing
There he stays forlorn, serenading to the waters
And though his voice is silenced by the roaring waves
he does smile and he does cry, in times wet and dry
He watches the people afar, the smoke and the smiles
He promises an experience, wishes a hug in return
But seldom does he get the peace of a new-found love
Someday he would be weakened like the flying fowls
when he would bend the last angle to kiss the ground
And then from miles away would be seen just a memoir
And stories of isolation, valor and vulnerability
The lonely palm tree, standing bold and to be bald.

Check

Last few days remaining in India and this is what I would call a "bucket list" - revisiting the past or doing the undone.

A weekend outside Pune

Aaah it was so awesome, especially after last time's horrible experience. It was beautiful. The crowd was just perfect - not too much or too less. Saw the other beaches as well, trekked for quite a distance. Overdosed ourselves on almost everything - Chicken, Fish, Beer, Bathing, Trek and of course the obvious ones. :). Though the decision to go there was adulterated with some dilemma but in the end I would miss Gokarna for sure

 One of the rare days when you can actually feel "peace" sinking in.

Movie at E-Square -

Have seen most of the movies during the later half of my stay in this theatre. Though I do not like the seats, food or the service so much, the company and the 2 to 3 hrs spent there each time, watching movies good and bad makes it one of the "most-done" things outdoors

Movies can be good or bad, most of the times we don't know about it. Let us remember all those times with the people, events and the time that we spend in those couple of hours.

Visit Leopold 

Leopold Cafe, Colaba, Mumbai - I have been here 3 or 4 times and every time I have loved the hospitality and the crowd.This time I went straight up during the peak lunch hour and no one was there. I was depressed but then I thought that may be I would remember it more 'coz of today and yes, it was superb! I made friends with the waiters there, talking in their language, sharing our love for Mumbai and hatred for all other places, Teachers and Bud down the throat with Gin Chicken (yes its prepared in Gin) and Bombay Grilled Sandwich

You are never lonely, there is another loner somewhere, reach out to him, its easy 'coz he is trying to do the same.

Walk along the Marine Drive, Bombay

Marine Drive! It promises you a splendid time even if you are alone. A walk along the long stretch with a few pit stops facing the sea, watching the waves come and go and rather an unpleasant sight of crabs over the rocks - in the end its a feeling of peace that gets absorbed, pacifying all the noises inside you and streamlining your thoughts - all this without marijuana

A lonesome walk can act as a drug sometimes - all you need to do is 'feel' the high.

Kareem's chicken tikka roll

No one can have just one! Gets even better when you have a tummy. :) This place has quite a few memories - inception of some awesome things in life, forgetting your frustration, getting your dopamine levels high, feeling the awesomeness of street food et alia. They serve the best chicken rolls in the city. If you are in Pune and non-veg connoisseur, you won't regret stopping by Kareem's, East Street, Camp

Thank God man discovered fire!

Yet to do:
Have bread pakoda outside Bund Garden
Shop at Brand Factory, Camp
Hog at Radhika and Oh Calcutta!
Garden Court
FC road Barista - Cafe Americano and smoke
Loni Paratha near the Z bridge.
KFC - over and over again :) :)
Pasta at Peppinos
Movie at Inox with the awesome samosas
Download songs, revamp my music collection
Thousand Oaks on a thursday night
Aloo-paratha at E-square food court.
Not Just Jazz By the Bay on a wednesday/sunday night and probably sing.
Diamond Beer Bar on MG Road - draught beer and the delicious french toast.
Sarangi on East Street.
Suruchi Bar at Hadapsar - cheap booze and egg biryani.
Have ragda at the actual Kalyan Bhel near Law college road
Kiva near E Square.
One trek somewhere around the awesome ghats near Pune.


To Be Contd.

The Twelfth Man

I see you play and rule the field
You scream in joy when you win
and you cry in pain when you lose
My smiles and my tears are all yours
Be it victory or defeat, its mine too
I cheer for you, I help you, I love you
For one day I want to be with you.
Not just the words I Want to hear
But also act and befriend glory
The heat and the rains you dare
I want to learn with you and share
Today I am not inside the ground
Tomorrow I hope to & no more be
The Twelfth Man.

24 hours!

Its 7 AM, I wake up, look at my mobile clock like a routine task everyday. The location of my room is pathetic - Early summer morning appears like a mid-day right on the equator. No matter when I sleep the previous night, I feel like a stupid fuck every morning and hate the despicable 7th hour of the day. For the next two hours I would try my best to go back to sleep but alas! I fail. And still I do it everyday, hoping that one day I would succeed. 

Today, I had an incentive. I would be seeing her after quite some time and having missed her so much for the last 4 days, I wanted to make the most of it. The two hours stint reduced to one and I am all set, groomed myself, attired in one of my best shirts and I make it to the office right on time to click and save the moment for days to remember and retouch. The act of diving deep into someone's eyes, understanding the emotion behind it and acknowledging it with a subtle smile, happens almost instantaneously and its incredible. I know there are few more days left and then I would long for even a glimpse of hers. She doesn't know this yet, may be when she does, her eyes would script the same story as mine. And yeah, why few more days? I would be off to start my PhD soon and then its just a future which would be reminiscent of the past, and thats why the present becomes more important.

I have resigned from my position at work. Its not very natural but I seem to have no productive work to do. I spend my time on facebook and google reader the most. Facebook recently has become an important part of my life - being my companion for almost 20% of my time. I am not that good a reader on the internet, so I don't get along quite well with feeds and google reader. Mother's day offers, holiday offer in Kerala, credit card shopping vouchers - I have developed an aversion towards all this recently. Earlier I thought I could sometime use them, so always gave a tiny thought to it, but now since all this would expire when I leave my country, it makes no sense anymore. I keep searching for flying  and housing options., spending more time on them than I should. Also, just to prove in the real world that the time I am spending on internet is worth, I think of getting myself something - yes! online shopping - ebay and flipkart! But I am a confused ass when it comes to shopping. I give up soon and order a couple of books from flipkart. But the time I am spending is actually worth because through internet I am getting to know new people who would be with me while I pursue my education. I am planning flight itineraries, housing, courses etc. with them and I am doing quite well. I am hoping to have a fun-packed life there (during the non-lab hours) with some great people that I would come to know and make good friends around. There is a very good probability of this happening because this is my need - I hate being alone. Though the recent past has taught me a lot and I can survive alone if time demands so. I am quite excited and looking forward to start a new life there.

I have a lot of idle time nowadays and next three months projection says that it would continue. So I have prepared a bucket list of tasks that would probably help keeping me busy. "Probably" because I am sure I won't like most of them and drop them en-route (history). But this time, I have put a lot of logical and analytical thinking behind this list and channelized them in a manner which would dig out my hidden passions and balance it with my needs. I always wanted to learn German, just for leisure though. I feel that apart from the languages I already know, this would be the only one I would like to know. Next, I would write more often - I am not a very good composer of prose but I am fairly decent at poetry. I see a lot of emotions reverberating through me in the coming days, so there is a ample of supply of thoughts. I also want to brush up my mathematics, certain software tools and mechanical engineering basics. Being a PhD student, it would help if I inculcate this as my passion and its just not a need, I would love reading about them. Photography - not to do but to know more about it, so ordered some books. Also, I hope of investing time into cycling as well. Still thinking of back up plans for obvious reasons. Got another one! MIT opencourseware! wow!! score!!

Rest of the time, which I have with myself and I am not occupied by any of the above - I just treat myself, enjoy the moment, think about her & then us, talk to myself & then forget it, prepare a PoA for tomorrow, watch House & calculus lectures, booze or do nothing and the day is over. I have become an expert in spending 24 hours in no time, and the best part is I keep a track of all that I do even if there is a big void at its core. :P

In the end, I don't know if I am happy or not, but I know it for sure that I am satisfied. I still prefer to be young but the word around is growing old so fast that I have no option but to synchronize. And as we grow old, the feeling of satisfaction is no different from delight. I smile and I laugh and I love to see people around me happy. Interestingly, this is also a source for 20% of my happiness.

Adios!

Please stay...

I close my eyes and I see you smile
And only then, you could be mine
Let this illusion stay and you leave me not
Stay with me for the sun and the stars
Its been unfair always but seldom fair too
I ask for a chance today, my apologies to you
Let this love be all yours this hour
Please stay, Let not my love be alone.

By my side

In this demented dilemma of human mind

Millions are at stake, billions lost often

Thoughts never play like music anymore

But the heart plays a cover to the future

Success and Love we all seek, why not us?

We are caged souls soon to entertain the crowd
And though we get pennies in return,
We go on to pursue the end, the end of woes
And one day when we have nothing to lose
There would be something we'd eagerly want
Today's future would soon be our present
And till the end, let our hands be free
For someone to hold them and walk along.

And we would seek smiles on their faces

More than what we would want on ours.