Illusion

The journey begins with a separation
The eyes are now trying to see, wide open
Whispering to my anxious heart, sobbing
And the illusion shall live no more!
Every dawn a new strength arises
but then its killed by the dusk
The illusion is the sinner, & not me
I am real and I am mortal, and so is you
But the illusion is not, it feels nothing
Painful it is to embrace a foul wind
Love not your emotions but your self
Rule your head and let it not rule you
Run and run till you hit the mark
And with every mile imbibe the will.
Then go away, into the real world
With people you can touch and feel
Where you find thoughts profound
This Journey today marks a separation
Oh my illusion, I need no more of you.

To do or not to do!

Sometimes late at night
When you switch off the lights
Think about all that you love
Do you turn the lights on
Or just wait for the next dawn?

This world offers a price
And you are ready to sell
Think about the peace you seek
Would you a quote a price
Or its just another number?

You are growing old
Hearing more, speaking less
Think about the respect you gain
Would you rather be a wise man
Or just  keep talking?

The secret stays a secret always
But you are a step closer today
Think about the courage that builds
Would you chase the unknown
or just wait for the night?

Its a climb!

In the past more than just a couple of times, I have not been happy about this new challenge that I had set out to conquer. Well, still I am not happy but the curve is moving towards it. But, to think of it, there are many things associated with a PhD student's life that makes it an exciting and definitely memorable experience. Here are just a few, entwined with my favorite songs.

1. I know what I am doing. Probably, for the first time in my life I can see myself 5 years hence. This beings peace, reduces anxiety and at least installs some beta version of satisfaction. Song dedication: Comfortably numb

2. I have taken decisions before, good and bad both, but probably in none of those I ended up doing what I actually wanted to do and to add more to it, liked doing it. I remember I wanted to quit my last job because it was not offering me enough fodder for my thought and well, I never like it that way. Graduate education was a tough decision and today, I am glad that I am loving it for more than half of my time. Song dedication: Day tripper

3. I am not wasting days after days doing nothing. This is something which always pissed me off. Being idle is what I enjoy sometimes but not always. Its like that inertia which  keeps me pushing and everyday I want to do more. Song dedication: The show must go on

4. It gives me strength and courage to face demanding situations. I have already started seeing this change in me. The feeling of doing something worthwhile makes me mentally robust. Of course the phrase "Can't be worse than this" deserves a mention too.Song dedication: Lost

5. I am more disciplined and more organized. If you want to do a lot of things along with research and classes, you can't live without discipline. And along with it comes dedication. After a while, it makes a mark on the daily stuff that you do. There are many things which are still random but there is some sort of order in that randomness. Moreover, there is a constant effort put by me to improve the order. Song dedication: The Scientist

6. My thought process has improved. The way of thinking clearly, picking up pristine ideas, modifying them and delivering them across, still maintaining it sanctity is what I am learning automatically. Read a few papers and you will see that change in yourself too. Song dedication: Freebird

7. I don't have to fake anything, I am more ethical, I stop myself commenting on things I don't know much about, I can accept that I don't know  -  the surface has some depth now. And as the weeks pass by, they leave more to this dimension. And with truth, comes confidence. Everything flows naturally and you are not hiding it away. Song dedication: Sweet child of mine.

8. I love myself more. I can understand and define what I deserve, and also figure out a way to fetch it. I can command myself better and also developing the ability to measure myself, more the merrier. Its eternally pleasing to know yourself better. Song dedication: Nothing else matters.

Paradoxical Potpourri

Stuck with this puzzle at last
May be scratches of yesterday
Or illusive caricatures of tomorrow
I am tired but I tried
To win, I must lose
And to lose, I must win
Stuck in this moment
Unasked, unattended, unspoken
Hungry but hopeful smiles
Much like a desert rain.

Truth

You can buy and you can sell
You need no money but hypocrisy
Love is just a need
Like the blind man's stick
It breaks and then has to be replaced.
Emotions are more of an excuse
Never noticed when expressed
And affects only when it hurts.
We seek more hatred and sorrow
'Coz we appreciate it more
If you are happy, no one cares.
Condolences are always meant
'Coz people fear god and death
Birthday wishes are seldom so
'Coz you are still here for your last one.
Some days are important for you
But no one bothers as its yours
Everyone does when its theirs.
There is no choice, there is no escape
You are stuck in lies and seek truth
And so you go out and do good
And you do it to create a smile in the air
And more than god you fear loneliness
You seek relationships but as a need
And then you are back to square one
What you get is what you do, its true.

Desert Rain

As the rains are bidding adieu
An unknown fear conquers my heart

As she went away from me
She took my peace with her
Its been long I heard her speak
I tried and tried again but failed

If I can't see her anymore
My heart shall stay empty
Not in words can I show my love
But she would never understand

Tell me if she would return
When I would no more be here
There would be rains no more
But then, I see some dark clouds.



Credits: "Khamaj" by Fuzon.

Wasssup?

books.. notes.. pens.. markers...experiments...FORTRAN..MATLAB...Lab being second home... Booze...Hamburgers... fries... burritos...bacon..umm I love it .. music.. House... Movies...nostalgia...uncomfortably numb.. cold...heat..friends old and new...8AM office.. review meetings.. loads of love.. memories.. dreams... reality.. planning trips...wasting weekends... facebook.. plans to sleep in office... emails.. MS Excel.. Fast Company.. Amazon.. Consumerism... world politics .. fucked up economy.. world may end soon... missing home and the food... research papers.. chats... sleepless nights.. homeworks... projects.. take away my pain.. Indian style chicken.. experiments with cooking... Tennis... gym.. iphone.. macbook... whiteboard.. bed.. pubs .. hookah.. shopping.. halloween.. frustration.. smiles.. anger.. peace.. engineering.. When would my PhD get over?...random talks which end up in nothing ... arguments .. debates ... bagels... coffee.. coke.. late night walks.. deadlines.. plan of study ... satisfaction.. cheese and butter.. misery seeks company... this too shall pass.. Can't wait to see you.. Boston.. West Lafayette.. New York...Christmas plans.. waiting for snow.. hate the rains.. tornado alert.. hailstorm.. procrastination.. guilt.. hectic.. loneliness.. emptiness.. I don't wanno miss a thing... Pink Floyd.. Rum and coke... double Jack Daniels on the rocks..Starbucks.. driving test.. plans to buy a car..
Woah! Thats quite a cocktail! cheers!