Who is you?

Being you, you ain't yourself

Your mind, your master is not yours

Its corrupt and sold yesterday for pennies

Its of the society and the mysterious economy

Its of the angelic devil and of the unwilling will

And its alone, its adamant and its arrogant.

But its not you, neither is it yours

You are a slave to someone else

You are the love and hatred of others

You are scavenging the leftover drugs

And you are desperate for illusion

But its not you, as you command it not.

You listen to the shortcuts to smiles

Is the sound of sorrow so deafening?

You follow them without they following you

Does novelty come without effort?

You have no character but words big

Is your spirit already dead?

Open your heart, not just your eyes

Learn accepting as much as denial 

Experience pride with honesty

Be loved and let that be yours

Being you, you ain't yourself

Or may be you are, but a mystifying puzzle.

Failure

Republishing this very old composition... 


Through the roads, under the shade
I walked, waiting for my fate
And then the sun starts glaring
and the birds stop chirping
Thirsty grasses start quenching
as they see the dry leaves falling
as helpless and hopeless, I was waiting.
Unable to solve the destiny’s paradox
the wait for my fate ended and I failed.
Neither the wind spoke, nor did I
unspoken words, pricking my soul
spurted as tears, but dried soon
as mechanical smiles, but lost sooner
dried in the heat, lost in dry leaves.
I don’t want to forget, don’t regret
as I stand prepared, waiting for the next.

Falling To Rise

And then you fall and then you rise
This fight is not for all but the wise
There is anxiety and there is grief
There is work to do in time brief
There are tiny but trillion thoughts
And inside you, your mind rots
There is failure but there is hope
And you can do without dope
There is loneliness but there is love
One day you'd see the white dove
Tough times many will come on your way
But "all for good" in the end you'll say
You would have many, not one choice
But always hear your own inner voice
I am not far but inside you somewhere
For one reason that you are here.
And then you fall and then you rise
And then you learn of this life's disguise.

Random existence!

On the other side of the morning

Searching for a truth nobody told me

Melancholic memories, emotions estranged

Anxiety, worry, anger, boredom and love

Healing my day, mundane and monotonous

The thorns don’t prick me anymore

Neither do the roses smile at me

I hate to wake up the sun, and the moon too

Celestial pleasure is not what I seek

Neither a jet plane nor a bicycle

Just a bit of rocket science may be

God exists, but only in reincarnated mind and hearts

How the conflagration camouflages the carnage

In this hour’s tiny life blends tomorrow’s uncertainty

And astrology is just an astronomical philosophy.

A lost dimension

My dream can’t reach beyond the green valleys

And the cold northbound wind is blowing me away;

Like a rock, I stand frozen trying to hold the ground.

Imprisoned by time are some memoirs of yours

And my petrified soul is dissolving into their warmth

No conundrums and no doldrums do I see now

The melancholic meadows are effaced

And the fresh dew promise new horizons.

And still if my eyes are not meeting yours

In the priceless elegance of your smile

Will reverberate my heart’s soliloquy.

#FML

Random guy: Am I speaking to A#$$%# Ghosh?
Me: You mean Arnab Ghosh ? (I know my name is a bit tough)
Random guy: No... A#$$%# Ghosh... we have dealt in blah blah with your company (he called the right person!)
Me: Yeah, I remember.
Random: So, you are A#$$%# Ghosh??
Me: No, I am Arnab....
Random: Can you please give me the contact of A#$$%# Ghosh?

WTF!

A very close friend of mine told me about this concept and I found it too interesting to avoid - though some part of it is going to be tough to write, especially the secrets - mainly because I have very few and then for the obvious reason. :P

Anyway, I love introspection.

So here I go: 10 secrets 

1. I love strawberries- Be it strawberry milk shake, ice creams, candies or just raw. It was a childhood flavor which I rediscovered when I visited Mahabaleshwar. When it comes to flavors, I like chocolates the most nowadays but strawberry is a close second. :)

2. I am scared of life - Now life as a whole is too big and abstract to talk about but yeah its scary. I keep telling everyone how to handle it and advising about many things to make our lives better. I invent rules and try to follow them but somehow in certain spheres of life  I fail. What makes me happy is I see visible results when it comes to others. I think I take it too hard on myself and the failure induces the fear in me.  Its a growing learning curve.

3. I hate Mathematics - I have scored the most in this subject in my high school and the least during my engineering. Though I have intense belief in its potential, keep talking about it, see documentaries on it, read about it and also try to visualize it. I have had a steep fall in my interest in mathematics since my school days. I am fairly good at it but that doesn't change anything.

4. I can't remember the words of a song :| - I love songs not for their music or singer. The lyrics always appeal to me and yet I cannot remember it when I try to sing or recollect a song. I suck at it and feel embarrassed at times too. 

5. Emotionally, I am very sensitive - Only a few know this. To others I come across as somebody totally different and feel like Maximum Decimus Meridius :P. Though the effects are visible only within my own comfort zone and I am vulnerable to only those who have access to it. 

6. Being a bong, I don't like Fish or rice - Yes! I haven't found a single guy who has not been ":O" when he comes to know of it. You can probably imagine how difficult it is for me to survive in the Bongland. Apart from these, I guess I show all traits of being a bong - foodie, smoker with some taste in art, poetry etc. 

7. I still wish to win the Noble Prize - LOL! This childhood fantasy still remains and refuses to accept the reality. I belong to a town which has produced 2 noble laureates and that has played a good role in fueling this fantasy. I am a Mechanical Engineer and nowhere close to the path which can fetch me "Noble Prize". I have had many dreams about it too. LOL! Only if Kungfu Panda kind of stuff happened in real life. Sigh! :P

8. I don't know a shit about cooking - I haven't ever failed when I have cooked and I have done it well (I hope the feedbacks were honest). I just have it intrinsic in me and this is not it. I also experiment with new stuff and it comes out well. Probably I need to venture into it more to kiss failure. 

9. I love shopping - And thats why I want to earn a lot. I always clutter myself with more than I need - it brings chaos and confusion. Nevertheless, shopping brings me immense pleasure. I guess its related to my natural trait of finding happiness in anything new. This is something I like the most after food and alcohol. I don't mind if its a feminine trait or whatever. 

10. I am freaking scared of dogs - They are scary and they can smell fear it seems. WTF! I have funny examples of running away from dogs and asking company to drop me home when its dark. 

These are the quick ten I could think of. This wasn't at all that difficult. Now I am sure I have more of such secrets. I guess some of them would not sound like secrets but  don't want to work out more on this. I would surely update this blog as I explore more.