some talks, some emotions, some expressions & some silence

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Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Past few days with her!

You know how you feel when you are in a dysfunctional but intense relationship which outsiders would most often call insane? I am and I know how it feels and I fail and I succeed every day. Its like a market, a trade of many other inconspicuous stupid but important things where I have to give to get something. She has been cruel and this relationship with her is may  be the only thing that gives me the thrill, the excitement and the motivation to  move ahead and tells me that there is something there next door. She brings me better things but tells me not to embrace them 'coz I would either lose them or regret later. In this process she tells me that I have a value and that value is not just restricted to my eyes but often reflected in others'. She gives me confidence when I am frustrated. She brings out the hidden darkness in bright light. She shows me the substance, equips me with the resources but also makes my way difficult. She doesn't show me a direction but gives me hope. This moment she hugs me, the next she kicks my ass, and then she would rape me mentally. She is weird but she is just unique to me, my special one which I take pride in. She has taught me to be brave and that there is a long way to go. She has injected doses of perseverance in me and regularly experimented on me like a guinea pig. She has made every effort and she has not done this for free. I confront her regularly in the middle of the market, arguing with her in front of a crowd just to evade my duty of paying her back. I know I am wrong but today I am poor. I have neither money nor the substance which she has. I am in need and I am at the receiving end. Its a cure to the anger, the desperation, the anxiety, the loneliness and this is all I have.

This relationship with my life is not working out right now and I am learning to pay her back; sometimes I am honest but I am mostly backstabbing her. My relationship with her is indeed intense, I scream at her, I spent silent nights with her, I punch her right on her face too but deep inside I love her very much and yeah I am just stunned at times! Wait! Did I mention how good she is on bed? Now I know true orgasm!