some talks, some emotions, some expressions & some silence

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Tuesday, 15 September 2009


My words, my feelings

I share with my best friend

Who can’t speak or move or react

But still my best friend

To whom I speak when I am lonely

Speak out my words never told

Who says something that I never hear

But still my best friend

With whom I share my sorrows

That I don’t with anybody else

Who wants to do the same but I don’t

But still, my best friend

Who also says something, I don’t hear

But hours I spend with others

Who perhaps complains but I don’t care

But still, my best friend

With whom I play all tricks known

That I seldom do with somebody

Who blends as I wish, but I won’t stop

But still, my best friend.

With whom I have my emotions attached

Who can’t speak, move or react

It’s that alluring bottle of wine

My best friend forever.

this is a very old composition of mine .... Might not be the best but i love it!

Love, Hatred and Seclusion

If too much of anything is bad, I seek hatred for the good!
If I call it a principle of life ... it is quite acceptable that if we have too much of something, in the near or distant future it turns out to be something else which most of the times is entirely opposite of what we seek. Human nature is to seek happiness but do we get always what we seek? The answer is no. And in worst cases where we seek and get too much of happiness, sorrow accompanies as well. Too much of anything is bad. Like too much of food, alcohol, sleep etc etc. Isn't it true for every small thing? It becomes an addiction; but, of a different kind. You are too much addicted to leave it and it just remains in the heart and the hormones, never touching your nervous system.
Similar is the case with too much of love. Though this thought is unnatural, but it cannot be neglected. We do not realize it as everything goes good and we are addicted to it. But if the hypothesis is correct, it ought to be true in this case as well. When there is too much of positive energy, too much of smiles around, too much of joy you get a good sleep tonight but yes there can soon be a knock on the door and there awaits sorrow.
Now its not easy to evade all your positive energy and all the good that is happening to you because of the above stated stupid thought. But there is a time which you like to spend with yourself. That makes sense. Right? The reason why we try to do so is to go away at a mediocre level where there is neither love nor hatred. Or sometimes it is like a phase between these two.
This is the time of seclusion. We talk to ourselves, ask us questions, know the part of you which you have lost in smiles or in tears, the part of you which you lost in others smiles or tears.
Seclusion meets you in dream and in dreams there is no sorrow or even if its is there, it gives you the confidence that its not true.

Monday, 14 September 2009


The moon today is full, in its full glory or rather beauty, behaves like a 5 year old, plays Hide and Seek with the clouds and with all of us. An artist is playing with colours under the flash of a street light. A little boy throwing pebbles in the water trying to aim the moon, whenever he sees it. The roadside beggar is serenading his last songs of the dark with his old guitar waiting for the people to come out and admire the beauty. A cold breeze is hitting hard against the eyes. Nightingales are heard no more.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Project to make us Unique!

This is about the much talked about Unique Identification Number project headed by Nilekani. His interview with CNN-IBN's Karan Thapar was an eye opener in this matter. Though this project looks very fancy and on the lines of the SSN numbers of US (as we just try to follow them), the feasibility and the success of this project could gain confidence not before answering hundreds of queries and worries.
The technology -
The technology has a very vital role to play in this ordeal. Mr Nilekani claims that the technology is available and it just needs to scale up. But the project lead is himself not very sure of this. He was talking like any fresher techie would do. There were many research snippets that Karan Thapar always brought into picture throughout the interview, most of them from the London School of Economics. One of them claimed that the high end technology itself is not available which can promise privacy and security even in UK's case. If it were at least available on a small scale without any flaw, then we could think of scaling it up. And even if it comes, it will come at a very high price. That's the next concern.
The cost -
1.5 lakhs crores is the estimate just to implement it once. The hidden costs, maintenance etc comes later. Mr Nilekani claims that the cost would be 10 folds lesser again not very sure of what he was saying. To put it in simple words, we cant take a call on the cost right now but surely its going to be a huge amount. And if this amount doesn't get support that it seeks from the technology, then it is no better than our driving licenses, PAN cards and Electoral Voter's Cards.
The Databse -
The major problem comes here. For every Indian to have a Unique number, there needs to be massive database which has to keep changing and updating continuously. The question here is not about the database but about the authenticity of the information in this database. We all know how easy it is to get your license, PAN card etc. Can the new system prevent this? I think this is not even in the hands of the technology but on the finger-tips of our unscrupulous bureaucrats. Now if this number is going to decide our fate wherever we go, the authenticity really becomes important. Also as pointed out by Karan Thapar, how are we going to solve the problems of mistakes that are often seen in our passports which by far is the most authentic piece of identification.
Privacy and Security -
Do you want any person to just log-in some webpage, enter some digits and get all information about you? Ok lets accept this, that the information would not be made public and steps would be taken to prevent information extraction as Mr Nilekani said the answers would be in "yes" or "no" when you ask the database some question. Our politicians would indeed have access to this information which they would use for their own benefits without falling in the eyes of the law. Also as challenging and secure you make it for the hackers the more efforts they will put into this. Can the existing technology prevent really important private information at an effective cost?
The time -
Even if we assume that all odds are in favour, the time that its going to take to establish this system fully through all generations with least error is indeterminate. By the time it starts resolving errors, a new set of change, update and errors would bother the system managers.

If we compare this with the SSN system of the US, we would say that if it was possible in US then why not in India. First we should understand what an SSN number is. This is a kind of identification number which was started for taxation purpose just like our PAN number. Then gradually as the laws changed, even kids who as dependents of working parents needed to have a SSN number to claim income tax benefits. Also, with time more information was embedded into this number. But duplicates, erroneous cases always questioned the importance of this number.
Furthermore, researchers at Carnegie Mellon University have demonstrated an algorithm which uses publicly available personal information to reconstruct a given SSN. Exacerbating the problem of using the social security number as an identifier is the fact that the social security card contains no biometric identifiers of any sort, making it essentially impossible to tell whether a person using a certain SSN is truly the person to whom it was issued without relying on some other means of documentation (which may itself have been falsely procured through use of the fraudulent SSN). And now there have been thoughts over passing laws that restricts the use of SSN numbers for many commercial purposes.
Records say that 80% Indians have an electoral voter's card. Everyone who pays tax has a PAN. We are not trying to put more information in these numbers but to create a totally different database of information and make another card with this unique number. We are planning to include biometric details of a person as well and promising privacy. We are inviting a lot of cost and insecurity and the technology has her hands up.
There are a lot of variables in this equation. If it happens the way it wants to be, then this would set an example, a code, a process for the world. It is a nightmare project but not impossible. Lets hope that this system would really be helpful for the mass and would address our problems in a much better way. We are at an infant stage in this project and surely we can expect a lot of developments and the questions would be gradually answered.

Good luck Mr Nilekani!

Thursday, 10 September 2009

A Midnight Stroll

I was just out on a regular stroll outside my apartment
Near the pan shop two working guys (as evident from the Identity card around their neck) were smoking, their lips were moving and there was a look of frustration. Its a thursday night, must have been a tiring week already! As i neared the shop to fetch my pan, I could hear the moving lips. "Dude.. its too much man .. that lady never understands...she has called us at this hour!!...what time is he coming man .. give him a call"..." Its all the same ... me, you or your best friend...everyone is at the same stage .. just playing games with each other.." "... yeah but .. leave it .. " " .. or rather .. take it and go ..take it and go (Russell Peters style) " "...haha" .. a pretty monotonic discussion with some sense attached to it .. and then a light end... and then within my head "..fantastic (Russell again)".
A drunk guy is my next encounter. Sometimes i just dont understand what do they drink or how much do they drink that they are like a walking stone .. sometimes sleeping by the roadside ... sometimes just hit by a speeding truck.. not even knowing that life is departing them...back to the guy ... he falls down on the road .. almost in front of a cab ... the driver frowns, comes out picks him up, people start extending their hands for help, one tight slap right under his ears, one and a half spin and then all the helping hands were gone. All this happened within a minute! The drunk guy lay drunk, the sleep will induce a drug into him that he wont remember a second of this. Pretty disturbing isn't it. An annoyed driver .. uses all his energy to pick him up just to bestow his peevishness upon him. But the other character in the play jus smiles and says "I don't feel anything..... Did u just hit me?" No one loses no on gains. Its an illusion and upon us to accept and be happy in our own ways.
I left the chaos and moved along the woods by the roadside. I could see the fireflies sparkling and hear the chittering sound of the dark. The music was asking me to stop and behold the beauty of the moonlit sky. Its rejoice above, its bright above, nothing is hidden above. But, this dark aint at all sorrowful. Its dark here, everything is hidden here. Sometimes when we seek happiness far in place, far in time or far in emotions, we walk on our present, crushing it. Most of the times, the grief or the regret cannot be replaced completely even by two folds of the happiness we get.
I saw an old couple sauntering in the same picture, probably talking their past to each other. But they don't care. As they approcahed me, I greeted them with a smile and I got back the sweetest thing I wud expect from them "God bless you ..." The old man then started saying "I was like you ... I used to greet her mother the same way u did...But you are better ... you know why? ..'coz I used to do it with an intention, you are probably vacant in that thought of yours"... I returned a smile back, "Yes, Sir... Goodnight" They passed by, I turned back and I saw them holding their hands and walking in absolute unison and peace and nothing to bother them.
By far it was probably the best times in the dark I had. I decided to wrap it up and go back. From a distance I saw a man and a woman on the roadside pavement in some activity with a guy who is behaving wierd. I moved fast to take a closer look. As I correctly guessed, they were the same couple I met minutes back. They were sprinkling water from their tiny pet-bottle on a man's face who appears unconcious...Was he the same guy? Yes he was. But why would that old couple who were in their own business bother about him. A crowd was gathering. I could see some blood around his nose. I could even see some trapped tears on grannie's wrinkled cheeks. I was afraid to go ahead and find the truth. When people started speaking, I could hear one or two voices "call ambulance" "their old servant" "his daughter's marriage next week" "poor guy"... As he was getting cold, people saw a cab parked by the restaurant. Was it the same cab? Yes it was. "where is the driver" as they patted on the windows and rear glass... The Driver comes out "whats the matter" .. The matter is explained. The driver was reluctant .. " I have to go to office, drop them" (pointing towards the pan shop). They were still there smoking away their frustration. Seeing fingers pointed at them, the come close to take a look at the incident... "Did u hit him?" " I did not, he fell in front of the car"... "Then why are you scared? take him to the clinic" "we will take an auto-rickshaw" ... "but Sir" ... they left .. turning their backs ...the crowd cleared...It was midnight. I walked back home .. As if all of it was jus a dream and nothin had happened.