On the rocks!

A whiskey on the rocks

A rock doesn't melt

A rock isn't cold

A rock feels nothing. 

My heart stops 

Like a watch

Follows me to the grave

Like a rock

A whiskey on the rocks

Warm it may feel 

Sedating you, Leaving you

High in your dreams.

Like a broken spoke

On a squeaking wheel

Like an old scar

On a pretty face

Unpleasant!

Into the abyss

Who cares for the one who doesn't
Who befriends the one who doesn't
Who enjoys the one who doesn't
Who loves the one who doesn't

A selfish, mean man I am
Alone in the darkness
The fireflies pity me
And the wind mocks me
Everything's absorbed into nothingness
And thoughts have become questions
Smiles have become fake
Emotions are all stoned
Experiments have failed
The human is dead, the evil awake.

A battle is happening
Inside the mind, against the mind
And for the mind is just me
I am trying but I am failing
The shadows are fast growing
And as the darkness overwhelms
They leave me baffled
And still the silence questions
Have you lived your dark side?
Have you loved your dark side?

Burnt & Broken

A storm is engulfing the moonlit sky

The raindrops are round yet sharp

Hurting my paralyzed forlorn soul;

I see a distant death around me

And I desire it as much as life.

I am too cold for the human warmth 

On the edge, I want to be buried,

And want not to hear myself again.

No weapons can kill me anymore

And soon I would be scavenged

A dirty death, a painful dilemma

I can see it but can't allure it enough.

A sunken lullaby

I sailed through the horrendous waves
And the loneliness of the starlit sky
I survived the demons of the deep
And the war with my own self
I relished the waters, brewed them sweet
And often mixed whiskey and rum.
I volunteered for the missions of peace
And I unleashed wrath on all
I was feared, honoured for my service
And I laughed and played with my pals
I cursed the midnight clouds everyday
And I smoked the finest tobacco
Till that night of the lonesome day
Deserted with water as far as I can see
Burnt, besieged and beleaguered.
While the rum burnt my soul,
The smoke was lost in the flames.
I was sinking, I was cold and I was warm
And numb I lie today, as a sunken hero.

Illusion

The journey begins with a separation
The eyes are now trying to see, wide open
Whispering to my anxious heart, sobbing
And the illusion shall live no more!
Every dawn a new strength arises
but then its killed by the dusk
The illusion is the sinner, & not me
I am real and I am mortal, and so is you
But the illusion is not, it feels nothing
Painful it is to embrace a foul wind
Love not your emotions but your self
Rule your head and let it not rule you
Run and run till you hit the mark
And with every mile imbibe the will.
Then go away, into the real world
With people you can touch and feel
Where you find thoughts profound
This Journey today marks a separation
Oh my illusion, I need no more of you.

To do or not to do!

Sometimes late at night
When you switch off the lights
Think about all that you love
Do you turn the lights on
Or just wait for the next dawn?

This world offers a price
And you are ready to sell
Think about the peace you seek
Would you a quote a price
Or its just another number?

You are growing old
Hearing more, speaking less
Think about the respect you gain
Would you rather be a wise man
Or just  keep talking?

The secret stays a secret always
But you are a step closer today
Think about the courage that builds
Would you chase the unknown
or just wait for the night?

Its a climb!

In the past more than just a couple of times, I have not been happy about this new challenge that I had set out to conquer. Well, still I am not happy but the curve is moving towards it. But, to think of it, there are many things associated with a PhD student's life that makes it an exciting and definitely memorable experience. Here are just a few, entwined with my favorite songs.

1. I know what I am doing. Probably, for the first time in my life I can see myself 5 years hence. This beings peace, reduces anxiety and at least installs some beta version of satisfaction. Song dedication: Comfortably numb

2. I have taken decisions before, good and bad both, but probably in none of those I ended up doing what I actually wanted to do and to add more to it, liked doing it. I remember I wanted to quit my last job because it was not offering me enough fodder for my thought and well, I never like it that way. Graduate education was a tough decision and today, I am glad that I am loving it for more than half of my time. Song dedication: Day tripper

3. I am not wasting days after days doing nothing. This is something which always pissed me off. Being idle is what I enjoy sometimes but not always. Its like that inertia which  keeps me pushing and everyday I want to do more. Song dedication: The show must go on

4. It gives me strength and courage to face demanding situations. I have already started seeing this change in me. The feeling of doing something worthwhile makes me mentally robust. Of course the phrase "Can't be worse than this" deserves a mention too.Song dedication: Lost

5. I am more disciplined and more organized. If you want to do a lot of things along with research and classes, you can't live without discipline. And along with it comes dedication. After a while, it makes a mark on the daily stuff that you do. There are many things which are still random but there is some sort of order in that randomness. Moreover, there is a constant effort put by me to improve the order. Song dedication: The Scientist

6. My thought process has improved. The way of thinking clearly, picking up pristine ideas, modifying them and delivering them across, still maintaining it sanctity is what I am learning automatically. Read a few papers and you will see that change in yourself too. Song dedication: Freebird

7. I don't have to fake anything, I am more ethical, I stop myself commenting on things I don't know much about, I can accept that I don't know  -  the surface has some depth now. And as the weeks pass by, they leave more to this dimension. And with truth, comes confidence. Everything flows naturally and you are not hiding it away. Song dedication: Sweet child of mine.

8. I love myself more. I can understand and define what I deserve, and also figure out a way to fetch it. I can command myself better and also developing the ability to measure myself, more the merrier. Its eternally pleasing to know yourself better. Song dedication: Nothing else matters.

Paradoxical Potpourri

Stuck with this puzzle at last
May be scratches of yesterday
Or illusive caricatures of tomorrow
I am tired but I tried
To win, I must lose
And to lose, I must win
Stuck in this moment
Unasked, unattended, unspoken
Hungry but hopeful smiles
Much like a desert rain.