Wasssup?

books.. notes.. pens.. markers...experiments...FORTRAN..MATLAB...Lab being second home... Booze...Hamburgers... fries... burritos...bacon..umm I love it .. music.. House... Movies...nostalgia...uncomfortably numb.. cold...heat..friends old and new...8AM office.. review meetings.. loads of love.. memories.. dreams... reality.. planning trips...wasting weekends... facebook.. plans to sleep in office... emails.. MS Excel.. Fast Company.. Amazon.. Consumerism... world politics .. fucked up economy.. world may end soon... missing home and the food... research papers.. chats... sleepless nights.. homeworks... projects.. take away my pain.. Indian style chicken.. experiments with cooking... Tennis... gym.. iphone.. macbook... whiteboard.. bed.. pubs .. hookah.. shopping.. halloween.. frustration.. smiles.. anger.. peace.. engineering.. When would my PhD get over?...random talks which end up in nothing ... arguments .. debates ... bagels... coffee.. coke.. late night walks.. deadlines.. plan of study ... satisfaction.. cheese and butter.. misery seeks company... this too shall pass.. Can't wait to see you.. Boston.. West Lafayette.. New York...Christmas plans.. waiting for snow.. hate the rains.. tornado alert.. hailstorm.. procrastination.. guilt.. hectic.. loneliness.. emptiness.. I don't wanno miss a thing... Pink Floyd.. Rum and coke... double Jack Daniels on the rocks..Starbucks.. driving test.. plans to buy a car..
Woah! Thats quite a cocktail! cheers!

Scared

There is a silent scream inside me
Asking me to return to the smiles
The haunting past talks to me
And makes the present a disguise
They are at war snatching my peace
Which one is better, I know not
But for sure the past beckons
A gust of memories pass by
Its too much to do for not much
I am happy but I am not content
For logic doesn't go by emotions
I wish I was a rock and felt nothing
I wish I was drugged til I died
I wish I knew and owed nobody
I want to break free, breathe fresh
And end all that I think is unjust.
How long shall I carry the load?
And how long shall I be silent
'Coz the scream is louder everyday.

Fix Me

When you try your worst, but you succeed
When you don't get what you want, but what you need
When you aren't tired, but you can sleep
Not stuck at all

And the smiles are always seen on your face
When you get something you can always replace
When you hate someone but it never goes to waste
Could it be better?

Lights won't guide you home
Neither ignite your bones
And you shall try to fix me.



The reverse of "Fix You" by Coldplay

Stoned by Stones

Silently she walked, leading the crowd

In her black shroud she was weeping

She knew the rules and she knew the death 

But the embarrassing pain she knew of not.

Tot-tot, tot-tot as the stones murmured

With every sound, bringing her to reality

Never had she seen multiple murderers

They are silent but their eyes ready to kill.

Tarat tarat tarat tarat, the stones screamed

Approaching the silence one last time

The women sympathized, shared the tears

The men just acting in the name of God.

Innocence, as every part of her soul pleads

Meets prejudice and hatred but no love

And as the men gather, final talks are done

Children practiced their aim, ignorant.

One last time she would be embraced

No human but the matter itself

As she lay half buried, head held high

No more sorrow, only anger she shows.

Men older and men younger, both blind

Her own father and her own sons, all deaf

Her comrades few, her daughters, all dumb

And she above all wished to feel nothing.

Slowly and steadily the stones struck

She could hold no more, she screamed

She wished the end but alas! she was alive

And she surrendered to the cold death.

inspired by "The Stoning of Soraya M."

Who is you?

Being you, you ain't yourself

Your mind, your master is not yours

Its corrupt and sold yesterday for pennies

Its of the society and the mysterious economy

Its of the angelic devil and of the unwilling will

And its alone, its adamant and its arrogant.

But its not you, neither is it yours

You are a slave to someone else

You are the love and hatred of others

You are scavenging the leftover drugs

And you are desperate for illusion

But its not you, as you command it not.

You listen to the shortcuts to smiles

Is the sound of sorrow so deafening?

You follow them without they following you

Does novelty come without effort?

You have no character but words big

Is your spirit already dead?

Open your heart, not just your eyes

Learn accepting as much as denial 

Experience pride with honesty

Be loved and let that be yours

Being you, you ain't yourself

Or may be you are, but a mystifying puzzle.

Failure

Republishing this very old composition... 


Through the roads, under the shade
I walked, waiting for my fate
And then the sun starts glaring
and the birds stop chirping
Thirsty grasses start quenching
as they see the dry leaves falling
as helpless and hopeless, I was waiting.
Unable to solve the destiny’s paradox
the wait for my fate ended and I failed.
Neither the wind spoke, nor did I
unspoken words, pricking my soul
spurted as tears, but dried soon
as mechanical smiles, but lost sooner
dried in the heat, lost in dry leaves.
I don’t want to forget, don’t regret
as I stand prepared, waiting for the next.

Falling To Rise

And then you fall and then you rise
This fight is not for all but the wise
There is anxiety and there is grief
There is work to do in time brief
There are tiny but trillion thoughts
And inside you, your mind rots
There is failure but there is hope
And you can do without dope
There is loneliness but there is love
One day you'd see the white dove
Tough times many will come on your way
But "all for good" in the end you'll say
You would have many, not one choice
But always hear your own inner voice
I am not far but inside you somewhere
For one reason that you are here.
And then you fall and then you rise
And then you learn of this life's disguise.