Life is not crap!

"Live everyday like the last day of your life", a cliche statement. Lets take a scientific approach.

Our day to day life is governed by the more superior brain and comparatively under-developed heart. Most of the actions inside and outside our body is controlled by the former. In layman's language, we mostly have no control over it. It is a seasoned machine which learned by itself, commonly known as Artificial Intelligence. And yes, its rocket-science, which human beings would always struggle to replicate. Its complicated nature is reflected by the fact that it cannot be transplanted compared to other organs of the body. On the other hand, we have our heart and in non-technical terms is said to control our emotions, which is totally false. This is because its your brain which controls your emotions as well. But this small part of the brain is under our control to a very large extent. There is a difference between well-trained and well-educated, and we have to train our brain, we cannot possibly educate it after 15 years of its learning. This hearty brain is very sensitive and is affected by all five senses we know of. To keep it in control, the best way is to keep it dumb and foolish. It doesn't affect you in the long term but gives you enough strength to ignore the noise that affects our normal smooth journey ahead. Its not that easy, so a more practical solution is to prioritize your emotions. Life is good and it would always be! Trust your brain and ignore your daily ups and downs.

Thanks for reading this profound crap.

An early morning conversation!

Once upon a time, the different voices in the crowd, the tone of each one of them, the touching voice of your closest and even random screaming and squalling, everything that my ears could perceive reverberated through me, defining myself. And today, there is so much of silence; all that I can hear is Knopfler and Floyd, the gtalk pings, the phone rings and some musings of my own thoughts, the remnants of the noise in the past, and strangely  nothing is indefinite. I performed the best in randomness but that past is gone long back. Nowadays, I try to get organized, to reduce the noise in my daily life and let my wave travel smoothly. I can't believe that I have "to-do" lists! This is more because I have a  lots to do and I don't see anybody around me to while away time, most of the times I think its not worth it. There are a lot of additions in that list apart from the regular material efforts to finally gain monetary benefits. For instance, spending time with Coleridge, Keats and Neruda, doing some clicking job with my Nikon P80, sketch random stuff on MS-Paint, talking to Twitter, Facebook and Blogger, drink more coffee, read the BBC and NY Times, learn more about the far and not my immediate vicinity and a very unlikely in the list feeding my love, the only thing I want to carry with me on the road ahead. Heh! Full of platitudes is this world and yet everyday is born a new thought to ponder upon. The beauty here is that of Science. I wish I could go back to my fascination of parallel universe and string theory. We all think so, don't we? I thought I read it somewhere but then found it was me, the truth pouring out or may be a dream - "you are on your own and no one gives a damn about it, you have to be choosy with the luggage you carry - its a long way ahead, better walk with the fundamentals, leave your TV and refrigerator behind"

I respect every opinion and I hate the predominantly biased ones; but if I do so, ain't I biased? 

Job well done blogger bro! Thanks for the company!

Bridge over Troubled Waters

When you know that you are walking close to nowhere and you take that long deep breath, someone just walks by and interrupts you. How do you feel? I was trying to swim across the troubled waters, constantly attempting to reach the other side but I am defeated again and again and pushed back to where I started from. I decided to take the bridge instead, the easier way but only after I was confident of my failure on the alternative. An exhilarating feeling it is and it goes almost silent. How I wish to keep these preserved! But its like that upsurge of emotional wave difficult to contain within yourself; almost impossible. I have to constantly remind myself of "NO NO NO and NO". The variable of time has become a constant and would soon become a negligible quantity in the equation. The variable called distance is highly simplified to be sinusoidal, largely random increasing the entropy of the system. The free energy is constantly increasing and looks like this is an infeasible reaction. Its just an illusion when the distance approximates to near zero and this case doesn't happen often, so again, can be neglected. A crock of crap! What the heck am I talking about! Exactly! and that's why I never take the bridge!

Mutton Gurda Fry

You said you can't love me. For five hundred and forty five days I have loved you and embraced every smile of yours. I am glad that all this while I could see you everyday and talk to you. I express my gratitude in these poor emotions. 

With you I fought battles and conquered myself but I could never defeat you. Because I  never wished to. A defeat means sorrow, a slave to someone else and of course without your consent. You were meant to rule  and I could have never disrespected you, Your Highness. Had you forgotten your smile, I would have died and it would have been a tragic end. My kinsmen would have remembered me and glorified my emotions, left in desuetude. Forgive them, they are innocent. You wish I stay with you till eternity and my friend I can promise nothing less. You know why? I am not done yet. Not yet. A year back it was a kid growing, as notorious as it could be and then it learnt happiness but it could never learn sorrow. There was a point where it knew suicide too but it could never learn to murder because it could not become selfish. And today, he is a big guy, expert of its own business and it fears no one. When there is no fear, there is no death. But someday, the inevitable would happen and it would die, in honour. That day, there would not be any word spoken and the silence shall serenade to every night that I see.

They say, time heals all wounds and this love is still too young and courageous to afford a wound. Time, a joke of all times. By the way, I love mutton gurda fry!

Don't know what!

There is a very subtle difference between the past as you see today and the past that you would see tomorrow. I am very used to the former case and i just have hopes for the latter to be good. There is no evidence or no expectation for any good though. I am thrown by the tides of time in an unknown world of my dreams where reality always confronts with obscurity. I know what I want, I know how to get it but i do not know the exact road to the end of it and yes I want to end it all. I do not want anything new and the old ones promise to last for a lifetime. LET IT BE AND LET IT GO is the compromising tone i carry with myself and buy ephemeral smiles and one day I would regret that actually everything has just passed away. For the better part of it, just say good bye and board your own flight to destiny's destination.

Me, the Human

We do not get everything that we wish for and so I say we get what we deserve. Everyday we see multiple layers of this life, which some of us are just dragging along, tired and pale. And sandwiched among such different layers are our  hopes and expectations. Hope is a necessity much like oxygen and there is a thin line which separates it from the latter. When you keep yourself away from expectations, as I used to or may be still do with myself, it becomes increasingly mysterious till the hour your curiosity takes you there, and unless you are defeated and shattered you remain there. Finally, you are a refugee in your own mind. A constant learning process teaches you fear and slowly you are scared of that battle much like the fears induced in a child as he grows up. Whats my part of the story? I feel like a one-legged man ready to run his first marathon, scared to cross that line more than tumbling down. But then I am just another human being.

The recent year has seen a lot of psychological change in me. Mental trauma, severe depression, extreme frustration, unbound unhappiness etc. are a few fancy names I could think of. I have always tried hard to steer them towards a positive development in myself and I see it happening. Its like common cold, it keeps affecting you if you do not have the internal resistance against it and temporary medications keep you healthy. This permanent resistance is what I lost or may be its yet to be discovered. Temporary medications are forced in the form of purchased happiness. Let it come in any form, it always keeps you healthy. If you remove the rare exceptions, people would always be more interested in your smiles than your tears, so why disappoint them? I have been coughing and sneezing a lot and my psychology is constantly picking up the tricks of biology, improving my resistance. And if I look at it as a package, I am happy as much as I hope to be but may not if I overrate myself with my expectations. The paradox here is the possible compromise I am doing when I say I deserve no more, and to think of it seriously, it keeps you away from happiness and makes the other side mysterious again. Heh!

Have you ever talked to the coward and crouched mentally superior person inside you? Have you asked him how he feels? I possibly cannot forbear myself from daily incentive driven executions. Being a leader is not easy, when you fall there is no one to give you a hand and that's exactly why He is coward and crouched. Professional leadership is far easier than a personal one. Trust me, it is complicated. You may not agree and would like to put it otherwise but the subjective nature of a personality is the illusionist here. He doesn't want to compromise as he is hardened and then tempered well by the people around him. He is the most ideal person you can be. He does not expect anymore and thereby, He is not affected by the paradox. He accepts what he is and is more riveted towards knowing himself more in a quite monastic way independent of the hassles of his outer skin. But sadly, you can't be Him. May be I am wrong. Try!

I feel better when this tainted spirit communicates with the superior me and shows me the way, sometimes just serenading by my side on a dark lonely road and at other times roaring it out to me. I have to dig a mine, collect the most precious stones and earn money out of them. And  be careful not to show much of ingratitude for all the times He has helped me.

On a lighter note, "One of these days I'm gonna get ORGANEZIZED" (courtesy - Taxi Driver); which reminds me, I need to change my bedsheet. :D

Adios!

The everyday Me

I just always neglected the hypothesis that bad times visit you often and good times seldom drop by, at least that's how we perceive it. But may be I was wrong.

Everyday, I wake up and try dozing off again for sometime to delay the start of a routine day at work. I wish I could prolong it but I am too poor to buy time. I meet almost the same people everyday, see the same faces, hear the same voices and they mean nothing much to me except a few who are the only source of my ephemeral happiness in a full stretch of 24 hours. I see a bunch of mindsets and moods around me and some so dynamic that I don't even try to understand. Though I hate the kind of work I am doing, I am concentrating more and more on it, incessantly lost inside my computer screen. It's a kind of spiritual feeling without disturbance. Yes, all those times I am working, I have my earphones on, listening to music, good and bad, and frankly, I don't even realize which song is playing. It just acts as a shield to the outer world capturing my mind and soul into limited boundaries where there is peace if not happiness. And after spending some time in this mode, I feel that I have a lighter head free of anxiety or may be its just a void. 

At times, it becomes very difficult to appreciate the other side of the river. The transformation from a happy-go-lucky kid to a relatively silent and profound maturity has been very quick. Never did I think that I would want this kind of life. I am better with people around me and life in seclusion is almost death for me. I die everyday, buried alive and then resuscitate.And may be I can say now that I am used to dying. Human brain adapts itself to conditions around it to keep itself happy and its always better to let him do his job. 

Introspection is an art which if executed well brings yourself in front of your senses and you are more tangible to yourself. I have done and continuously practicing it, trying to understand myself everyday. I am compelled to do this. I am in an unknown world where very few people understand me and I haven't been here long enough to complain about it. Life was better before. Introspection is very agonizing and invigorating. More when it creates a conflict inside your mind and you need to consciously come over it putting all your mental energy. The only good part about it is the excitement I feel when I emerge as the peacemaker of the conflict. Funny! Appears like there is more than one person living inside you, which again is just an illusion. 

The day at office ends and I come back home, with the next hour uncertain. I am silent most of the times thinking for the next hour. Many a times I just fall into the loop and waste my time totally. I am not aimless. I have very broad aims in life and I know the Dos and Don'ts to achieve them and in a way I am doing it but not palpable enough to my senses to feel happy about it. May be I expect too much out of myself or overrate myself. Introspection helps here to know exactly where I lie and then that's why the agony associated with it is worth. And then I die of the pain and tomorrow shall see my rebirth again in the same world. The only difference is this time I know myself better and it feels good.

We talk of Life and Love but we ourselves are complicated enough. Agree?