"Showing off"

We are pretty familiar with this phrase! We clearly understand who is showing off and who is not and with time it becomes more and more lucid!

Showing off is a pain! Ever tried it? Its a huge responsibility, a huge burden and its damn tough. The ones who do it, they deviate from their natural self which makes it difficult for themselves. Its very difficult to create something original and to create a new personality, even more! Gosh!

Having said that, I think people who 'show off', do so out of need. Only need can drive someone to handle such a responsibility. The need is the only incentive or at least has a lion's share! This need might be due to insecurity, lingering on a lie or living up to the fake profile of yours - in fact there can be zillions of reasons!

I feel sympathetic towards them apart from the usual hatred and laugh over gossips. (Hypocrites are very good gossip material - Girls love it ..;)..)

Melancholic Ecstasy!

(Title Courtesy: Indian Ocean)

Hey you, the wind of my lands, Do you know me?
Never mind; But you must know my kins
Cause them no harm, a last wish I seek
And if I had one more, I'd visit them to see
Chocolates and chicken burgers I've had many
But never they had the taste of love & amity
In this world adulterated with lies and hatred
I hope to find some truth & companions
I know one, I know two and I know many
But they don't know me & they don't love me.
Far away there is a lady who knows me the most
She is my mentor, my comrade, my mother
I need a nap with her hands caressing my hair
I dream of it everyday, and then wish every dawn,
That one last time, I would go sky-diving
And I would fall free, right into her arms
I would be dead, but I would score
For I'd have peace and you'd want more!

To Ma, my family & my friends...

The satire of time

I am subdued, I am shut and I am stuck
Like the abandoned machine of a shop floor
I feel like a child and I  miss my mother
I want to go back and feel happy with her.
The long lost kindergarten memories
I want to revisit them again
I want to learn as I wanted to now
I want a cocktail of today and yesterday
And preserve it for the rest of my life
I want never to regret, neither would I plan sorrow
I would plan endless smiles, I would plan perfection.
There would be no undo or redo, no experiments
A utopia I see, I just see myself living ahead of my time
But that time is long gone in the past
And Alas! I am a kid yet again but a kid too old.

Think!

Ever wondered when everyday you make your decisions, how far you thought on it or how far do you trust it or rather trust yourself on it? We are engulfed in a mental bias of ourselves, we are fake not to each other but to our own self. Separate your soul and your mind from everything around you that controls you, mostly those which are intangible. What your eyes cannot see, your ears cannot hear, your tongue cannot taste, your nose cannot smell or your body cannot feel is what your mind cannot decipher, and that is the highly ignored mysterious part of life. We can just attempt to understand it and mostly we fail and naturally we give up. It is tough, so never mind. At least we tried. 

But ever if you get a chance or if not, give that chance to yourself, a chance to be original in your thoughts and far away from the ups and downs of this awesome world, a chance to find peace within yourself, a chance to think over the right and wrong and evaluate your decisions and learn for the future. So, think my friend, think!

"I tried"

Life sometimes is frustrating, taking a lot from you and not even promising short term returns. It appears like u are stuck in one of the cracks in the canyons of Utah and that most of the things were destined to cause you the harm (Reference: 127 hours).

I am a regular guy in a flatland with ready access to food, water and people and if I feel the same, I would be too mean to myself. I don't want to be as senseless as a rock neither would I like to be a mad river. But at the end of the day, I don't want to tell myself and rather regret that "I should have given it a shot!". Yes, I have tried in the past, I have failed and with nothing would I compromise until I have no option. This applies for failure too. What I care for everything in life is growth. If stuff around me is growing, it keeps me going. And in all these failures, I have an immense growth of my mental perseverance, something which has to be learned the harder way. Yes may be in the end, I would get nothing, may be I was not destined to, but I won't sacrifice my principles for my success because i would be sacrificing myself; they define me, they have built me since my birth and they shall always stay, though they may change with experiences. And when its over, I want to smile and say "I tried!". Life is great, I am loving it, every moment of it. Retrospection is awesome...

Enervated!

This desk of mine....where I spent most of my time right now, alone thinking about a lot of stuff, some factual and some totally random. Spending day and night filling out application forms, trying to get over my phobia and all this to find one single direction in my life which though a long shot makes me believe that everything is going to be alright. Looking up postal code for India or reading about bacterial meningitis, everything just makes me nervous and apprehensive. I put effort to emulate my own thinking with the hope that one day I would get over it with the better. Questions, queries, facts - they don't bring any answers. Ok! I know it would be over and this too shall pass but then what? They are never ending and I can't bend down and apologize to my life for torturing it. I call people and try to cool down but then how many times. Everyone around is as miserable as I am. I have no right to be lucky. I am tired and that's why I am writing this piece of make-me-better stuff. My fingers are already aching and I am gaining quite a bit of experience in typing. It would improve my typing speed at least! (wink)

Don't think too much and think positive - these principles have been deceiving me and I feel defeated by this inhuman act of overpowering your own thinking. There is one single voice, one single feeling that keeps me going and I am not gonna write it down here because it is special. Call it a silent scream or a paralyzed smile - I don't care. I need to push this inertia to levels beyond my imagination and I need something - may be alcohol! Do I sound like a loser addict? You are wrong. I am just on the path to win myself and whoever and whatever wishes to come along with me. I bet. I would classify it as another random thought, but factual. I like randomness..true... but I don't like to take it for granted!

Oaks and me

There is an old pub down the street where I used to live. I have admired that place always and it finds it presence in almost all of my memories and emotions - tears or smiles. I still want to go there and live the past again, not of mine but of my time with Oaks. But some strange feeling just restricts me. Am I too old? Have I overused it too much or he silently hates me? Why? May be he doesn't like alone and unhappy people. But I ain't unhappy! Today, when I was listening to "Stuck in a moment" by U2, suddenly I felt I am right there at Oaks and merrymaking with my friends, my love and myself. Was talking to a friend about addictions and that I have none right now, after having left smoking long back. I feel everyone should be addicted to something at least and at the same time, I believe that everyone is already. Sad but True. Smoke, alcohol, weed etc. - fantastic stuff! Its a world of randomness, but right now, I am addicted to a strange and weird thought and I want to share it with Oaks, I still do not qualify to go there and that's why negotiating. 

The Barman's pitcher, french fries with white sauce, the finishing touches of whiskey, the music that u want to hear and to end it all, an all-worth-it cheque!

Feeling better. Thanks!